"Good morning, everyone. And how are you all today?"
"Fine, chief".
"Mornin', sir."
"Wow, that Sarah Palin sure is hot!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Okay, everyone, let's get down to work. Jim, you're fired. Now, before we begin, let's all keep our main goal in mind. Just as we did in 2008, we want to make sure the winner of the Republican primary is the person least likely to win the general election. Mary, you and your people did a superb job last time. Taking some loser who got his ass shot down by the enemy and turning him into a 'war hero'? Absolutely brilliant."
"Thanks, boss. We admit they made it easy. What those idiots know about winning elections wouldn't fill a thimble."
"And lucky for us. Okay, today we're going to be focusing on the Witch. She's starting to pull ahead in the polls, so let's knock her down a peg or two. Anyone got anything? Steve?"
"Got just the thing, boss."
Pawlenty Blasts Bachmann's 'Nonexistent' Record
"Outstanding! Nothing like a little dissension among the ranks, eh? But we'll need someone to back him up."
"No sweat."
GOP Veteran Ridge Says Bachmann Not Ready
"Perfect! We'll have to print her response, of course, but let's make it sound really weak and insipid. Ideas? Yes, Jane?"
"Feast your eyes on this, boss."
Bachmann: Who needs executive experience if it means more big government?
"Outstanding! 'Who needs executive experience?' That probably cost her a percentile point right there. Good work! Yes, Jim?"
"I'm thinking we should also stamp the Intolerant label on her. It would dovetail nicely with her being so unqualified."
"Good idea. Shirley, that's your department. Got anything for us?"
"You bet."
Report: Bachmann's Clinic Tries to Cure Gay Patients
"Wow, nice piece of misdirection! But the few people who actually read the thing will see it's her husband's clinic. Can we get any more dirt on him?"
"Boss, you're talkin' to pros!"
Bachmann Husband's Clinic: More Harm Than Good?
"And that's a video, boss, just full of heartbreaking stories from people who had barely broken free of this mad cult before the damage had been done. We made hubby come across as the reincarnation of Edgar Allen Poe; pit, pendulum, dungeons and all."
"Shirley, you and your team never fail to impress. Have we got anything on the Witch, herself? Yes, Mack?"
"I've been saving this gem for months, chief. Check it out."
Michele Bachmann in 2004: Homosexuality is "Personal Enslavement"
"Christ, Mack, that almost makes me want to weep with joy. You got any more gems like that tucked away?"
"I ain't sayin', boss, but...yes!"
"I'll tell you, people, it's an honor working with such professionals. Now, back to wielding the Intolerant label effectively, have we snagged anyone else yet? Shirley, you've got that usual smug look about you."
"Well, guys, I was kinda saving this for next week when we focused on the Moonbeam Mormon, but here goes."
Romney Refuses to Sign Anti-Gay Marriage Pledge
"In other words, he's secretly gay, himself? Excellent work! Now, as a lead-in to next week's focus on the Moonbeam, have we got anything else on him? Maybe some no-name beating him in one of those fake polls? Mary, your folks usually handle that. Got anything for us?"
"Boss...happy birthday!"
Cain Beats Romney in TWT/Conservative Leadership Conference Straw Poll
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Mary, whoever came up with that one gets a free dinner at Chad's, compliments of the house. And tell him or her to bring a friend."
"That would be Doc Murky, boss. Man, the dirt he can dig up on the Repubs is just mind-boggling. He says the only one he's worried about is Perry."
"Oh, yeah, speaking of him, anybody got the latest? Shirley, you've got that devilish gleam in your eye again."
"Boss, happy birthday...and Merry Christmas!"
Poll: In Presidential Matchup, Obama Would Beat Perry in Texas
"Jesus! And in Texas? Tell Doc he needn't worry and to enjoy his dinner. This guy is toast."
"Got it, boss."
"All right, folks, you know what to do. Let's get to work!"
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