By JOHN MERLINE
Posted 05:49 PM ET
After President Obama's jobs speech Thursday night (which came after our deadline), pundits will be spending hours looking for hidden meanings. But since he's given this speech many times already, we've decoded it in advance.
One thing that's clear after reviewing Obama's many jobs speeches over the past two years is that his speechwriters have gotten lazy. Over and over again, the president returns to the same basic formula: Times were tough when I got here, we've achieved a lot, but the hole was so deep it will take time to get out. And then he trots out the same rote prescriptions.
But Obama's speeches also have lots of hidden meaning that can be hard for the nonprofessional to grasp. So we've provided a handy explanatory guide to many of the lines you were likely to hear in the latest version of Obama's let's-get-focused-on-jobs rallying cry.
When he says: We inherited $1 trillion in deficits and an economy headed for a second Great Depression.
What he means is: It's all Bush's fault.
When he says: Thanks to my efforts, the economy was growing until this year.
What he means is: It was Bush's fault, but now it's the House Republicans' fault.
When he says: We need to focus on jobs.
What he means is: After $830 billion in stimulus spending, an auto bailout, cash for clunkers and several other multibillion-dollar "jobs" bills, none of which has worked, we need to try more of the same, but please don't call it a stimulus.
When he says: It's time to put country ahead of party.
What he means is: If you don't pass my plan, you're unpatriotic.
When he says: Our politics are broken.
What he means is: Republicans stubbornly refuse to act like potted plants.
When he says: My Republican friends.
What he means is: Those narrow-minded miscreants who are beholden to Tea Party barbarians that we need to "take out" and who, by the way, put party ahead of country (but I'm not questioning their patriotism).
When he says: Congress hasn't been doing the business of the people.
What he means is: Congress hasn't been doing the business of the people since January 2011, when a certain unnamed party took control of the House.
When he says: We need to invest in infrastructure.
What he means is: We need to put more money into the pockets of my public union friends, even though we know from last year that pouring tens of billions of dollars into road projects won't create jobs.
When he says: We need to extend the payroll tax cut and unemployment benefits.
What he means is: I'm completely out of ideas on how to get this economy moving, since these two ideas have already been tried and failed.
When he says: We need temporary, targeted business-tax credits.
What he means is: The government knows best, otherwise, I'd propose an across-the-board tax cut and let the free market sort things out.
When he says: I've been aggressively cutting job-choking regulations.
What he means is: I scraped up a few minor rules we can toss overboard, while at the same time I pile up far more expensive new ones.
When he says: To show how serious I am about regulatory reform, I just put off an EPA smog rule.
What he means is: I'm so desperate to get reelected, I'll try anything. But when I do get reelected, that EPA rule will be the first thing I reinstate.
When he says: We need to put politics aside and pass the three pending trade bills.
What he means is: I've been holding these bills up for more than two years, but I want to make it look like it's the Republicans' fault, and I know I can count on my lap dog media friends not to call me on this blatant falsehood.
When he says: We need to invest in clean energy jobs of the future.
What he means is: Pay no attention to all those failed taxpayer-supported "green" companies over there.
When he says: Thank you. God bless you and may God bless the United States of America!
What he means is: Are you ready for some football?!?!
• Merline is an IBD senior writer.
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