Tea Party Crashes Washington Orgy

Tea Party Crashes Washington Orgy
By Kevin Jackson

For Obama, the Tea Party fits in Washington like nuns at a swingers' convention. The fiscal orgy at Club Fed just can't continue unless the Tea Party gets the hell out. Unfortunately for Obama, we just won't leave. How could we? We can't afford to refuel our corporate jets.

So in order to give the Tea Party the "change we need," Obama is pulling out all the stops. He continues his War on Productivity against the "rich." Like the preacher said to the congregation, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have the money for the new building. The bad news is it's out there in your pockets."

When Obama can't just get taxpayers to hand over their booty at knifepoint, he threatens to "Katrina" America and unleash Mother Nature on us. His timing was impeccable, as he delivered his Mother Nature threat in the wake of the worse tornado season in decades -- let no crisis go to waste!

But somebody must have whispered in Obama's ear that on people's list of concerns, more tornadoes a hundred years from now can't measure up to the need to eat every day until then.

This prompted Obama to threaten our food, as not allowing Obama to create more debt might force him to cut the FDA. How horrible a death would it be to die from E. coli?

Has this guy ever experienced cuisine in Mexico, where merely handling a mango can get you Montezuma's revenge? You'd think that being African, Obama realizes that the bugs you can get in the Motherland from eating the wrong foods make salmonella feel like slight indigestion.

We weren't fooled. So when the food scare didn't work, Obama pulled the entitlement card out. Obama tried to mug old people -- gank them like a purse-snatching, wallet-lifting thief in the street -- by suggesting that they wouldn't receive their Social Security checks.

However, even the old "old people will lose their benefits" trick didn't persuade conservatives to allow Obama to pick their pocket, thus victory was delayed for the battle-worn wannabe hero of the left.

Time for yet another escalation within the Democrat Rules of Destruction of America manual, with willing Democrat Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee pulling out her well-worn but now laminated race card.

According to Lee, there exist racists in Congress who do not want to raise the debt ceiling for this president as they have for all "other" presidents. Lee points out that there is only one glaring difference between this president and all "others." I originally guessed that this president is the only idiot we've ever elected, but then I was reminded of Jimmy Carter, who presided during the Peanut Era.

Congressman Lee's beehive is obviously wrapped too tight, as she apparently forgot that the debt ceiling has already been raised three times for this president, putting Obama ahead of Bush in the "Race to Continually Raise the Debt Ceiling."

Obama was left with only one possibility, one move -- one gambit, as it were: Obama would have to "talk tough."

Things are serious when Obama talks tough. Reminiscent of the battle between the African king Ramses and the Jewish Prince Moses, Obama warned Republican Eric Cantor: "Don't try me...uh...you Yutz!"

Unfazed by Obama's threat, Cantor challenged, "Game on...Boyee!"

At a press conference, Obama unleashed tough talk on Cantor, the Republicans and the Tea Party, and anybody else who would dare try to live the American Dream unfettered. The raw-meat supporters of Obama's tough talk were treated to Obama's poll-tested new tough words: "balanced approach."

In his call for a balanced approach to allow himself the ability to run up even more massive debt, Obama used the historical, heretofore automatic raising of the debt ceiling to defend his actions. Apparently the "change we need" did not involve turning off the money spigot or the Treasury printing presses.

Ironically, it was Obama who in the campaign of 2008 sold half of America on the idea that he was going to Washington to stop the status quo. I can only surmise that Obama didn't think Washington was spending America into oblivion fast enough. He's not exactly "reining in Washington," is he?

So we find ourselves fighting the same battle with liberals yet again, and pretty much in the same old ways. Democrats bluster that if taxpayers don't keep forking over the big bucks, we will all die, and Republicans allow us to be pecked to death by chickens.

The only way to rein in Washington is to take away our money. Not raising the debt ceiling is the only way to force America to cut government, something liberals abhor.

Liberals love spending orgies. Unfortunately for them, the Tea Party movement brought a fiscal religion revival to the continuing party at Club Fed Hedonism 2008+. And we ain't going nowhere.

That's my rant!