Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Global Warming Update: U S Govt puts Employees on Notice, Tells Them "No Farting at Work"!


At this moment, there are muchos shenanigans going on in the Gubmint of the United States of America. 

Over the course of the last few years, our Elected Dumbasses have seen fit to:

  • Assume control of your health care by taxing what's left of your ass off.
  • Sic the Bureau of Infernal Revenue on organizations and individuals with political leanings contrary to those of the Dumbass-in-Chief.
  • Reprimand a Gubmint employee for farting at work....
  • Say what?
  • Yep.
Best of Dumbass News

I am a simple man (cue Lynyrd Skynyrd). I have always been in awe of the things that so many people take for granted. Like the stars. We see them every night of our lives and over time they are kind of "just there" to most people. Not to me though. There's not a time I go outside at night and not think of the majesty of those seemingly tiny twinkling lights in the nighttime sky. Think about it for a moment. The star light you are looking at has traveled through the vastness of outer space for billions of light years and is just now visible to the human eye. In essence, you are looking back in time.

Another thing that simply amazes me are tomato seeds. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that something so tiny can, when put into some dirt, watered and given the requisite amount of sunlight, produce a marvel of Nature like a big fat beefsteak tomato. How the hell does that work like that? I don't know and I don't care. All I know is that it does work and I ain't askin' questions.

Which brings us to farting.

A Real Gone Gasser

I am sure that it will come as no surprise to you that stories about farting are not new to Dumbass News. It was almost two years ago to the day that I wrote about the nation of Malawi's proposed law to ban farting under certain circumstances like: "insulting the modesty of a woman," "disturbing religious assemblies" and "trespassing on burial places". Pffffffffttttt!

Last summer I told you about a guy who threatened to shoot his neighbor for farting! This post is doubly entertaining as it also has a brief etymology of the word "fart".

While outlawing gaseous anal emissions and/or shooting another human bean because he broke wind may be a bit on the extreme side, being reprimanded for farting at work is not.

Hostile Work Environment

The U.S. Social Security Administration said it has rescinded a reprimand filed against an employee for creating a "hostile work environment" by passing gas. 
The reprimand, which became public when it was posted on TheSmokingGun website, was filed against a worker accused by co-workers of creating a "hostile work environment" by continuously passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor, The Washington Post reported Friday. 

The agency said the reprimand has now been rescinded. 

"When senior management became aware of the reprimand it was immediately rescinded," spokeswoman Dorothy Clark said. 

The Social Security Administration did not offer a date for the rescinding action or respond to questions about the status of the employee. 

The reprimand was filed by the agency's Office of Disability Operations and cited 60 occasions when the worker was accused of passing gas -- up to nine times per day -- in his office over the course of about 12 weeks. 

The employee was described by TheSmokingGun as a 38-year-old man working at a Social Security office in Baltimore. 

Is nothing sacred anymore?

When an employer can reprimand, or even possibly terminate, you because you exercise your Constitutionally-guaranteed (it falls under the "pursuit of happiness" or something) right to let one rip, then that employer must be held accountable! 


Eat more beans!

Do not be silent! (but deadly)

Fart like there's no tomorrow!



New version of GI Bill calculator released


The Department of Veterans Affairs has launched a new tool to help servicemembers, veterans and their families calculate Post-9/11 GI Bill benefits and compare schools and training programs nationwide.
Stars and Stripes

The Department of Veterans Affairs on Thursday launched a new version of the GI Bill Comparison Tool, which is designed to make it easier for veterans, servicemembers, and dependents to estimate their education benefits and learn more about VA’s approved college, university, and other education and training programs across the country.
According to a White House news release, the program also provides key information about college affordability and value so beneficiaries can choose the best education program to meet their needs.
In the past 6 months, the release said, nearly 350,000 people have accessed the tool on VA’s GI Bill website. The top schools searched by users include: American Public University, Harvard, University of Texas at Austin, Arizona State University, and University of Washington.


Border Patrol Agent Shoots At Armed Militia Member In Texas


When was the last time the border patrol lit up some illegals or the Mexican Army on American soil? Media setting the stage to discredit the militia.
The Border Patrol says an agent shot at someone near the Texas-Mexico border who later identified himself as a militia member.
Border Patrol spokesman Omar Zamora said that agents pursuing a group of immigrants east of Brownsville on Friday came upon a man holding a long arm near the river. An agent fired multiple shots but did not hit the armed man. The man then identified himself as a member of a militia.


National Post Recommends Converting To Islam To Avoid Islamic Terrorism



I can understand the intent of the author. If the ability to recite a few lines of the Islamic declaration of faith saves your life, why not? Just because you say it, doesn't mean you must believe it.
On the other hand, spiritual and moral consequences aside, will capitulating to religious terrorists really make us any safer?
To weed the Muslims out from the infidels, terrorists asked people to recite the shahadah to prove their faith. They asked other things too, like certain key passages of the Koran, the name of Mohammad's mother, that sort of thing - it was al-Qaeda Question Hour. The wrong answer meant death.After that, many, myself included, wondered: Should we - Muslim or not - learn the basics of Islam and have a read through the Koran? If one of us ever finds herself in a situation similar to that of Westgate Mall victims, could even a rudimentary knowledge of Islam save us?

(Hat Tip: Jihad Watch)
Islam gives the kufar three choices during jihad: convert, submit, or die. If you convert under duress, isn't that the same as submitting? So, it really boils down to this - would you rather live on your knees or die standing?
I doubt any of us can definitively know what we would do while under attack by terrorists. How difficult would it be to recite a few words if you had a knife to your throat?
Robert Spencer's post is worth a read, as are the comments at the article itself.


Friday, August 29, 2014

Friday News Dump (Labor Day Weekend Edition): Fort Hood shooter writes to ISIS leader, asks to become 'citizen' of Islamic State


Nidal Hasan is the Army psychiatrist charged in the deadly 2009 Fort Hood shooting rampage.

The convicted shooter in the Fort Hood massacre has written a letter to the leader of the Islamic State saying he wants to become a "citizen" of the caliphate, in the latest example of the terror group's reach inside the U.S.

The letter from Nidal Hasan, obtained by Fox News, comes after two Americans reportedly died fighting for ISIS in Syria. Sources late Wednesday identified the second as Abdirahmaan Muhumed, of Minneapolis. Fox affiliate KMSP-TV in Minneapolis reported that Muhumed was killed in the same battle as Douglas McArthur McCain, who grew up outside Minneapolis in the town of New Hope and most recently lived in San Diego.

The State Department said Thursday it could not confirm Muhumed’s death and efforts to reach his family were unsuccessful.

In the undated letter, Hasan -- who fatally shot 13 people and injured more than 30 at Fort Hood in 2009 in what the Defense Department called “workplace violence”-- tells ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi that he wants to join the caliphate.

"I formally and humbly request to be made a citizen of the Islamic State,”Hasan says in the handwritten document addressed to “Ameer, Mujahid Dr. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.”

"It would be an honor for any believer to be an obedient citizen soldier to a people and its leader who don't compromise the religion of All-Mighty Allah to get along with the disbelievers."

The two-page letter includes Hasan’s signature and the abbreviation SoA for Soldier of Allah.

Hasan's attorney, John Galligan, said the letter “underscores how much of his life, actions and mental thought process are driven by religious zeal.

And it also reinforces my belief that the military judge committed reversible error by prohibiting Major Hasan from both testifying and arguing…how his religious beliefs” motivated his actions during the shooting.

In the last year, the Department of Justice has brought at least five prosecutions against Americans -- in Florida, California, Virginia and North Carolina - for trying to help terrorists in Iraq and Syria.

Omar Jamal, who is well known in Minneapolis’ Somali community, said at least 10 young men from there have been recruited to travel to Syria for ISIS.

"Douglas McCain wasn't the first one and unfortunately he won't be the last,"Jamal told KMSP-TV.

The former chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee that investigated radicalization in a series of congressional hearings said there is a pattern.

“It was clear and convincing evidence then, that there was a pipeline from Minneapolis to Islamic jihad overseas,” said Peter King, R-N.Y. “And that people in the community knew about it and that people in the community were covering it up.”


Teacher fired over sex in Pa. classroom rehired


MCKEESPORT, Pa. —A western Pennsylvania schoolteacher fired after she admitted having had sex with another teacher inside a classroom a decade ago is back on the job following an appeals court decision overturning her firing.

Angela DiBattista's attorney, Philip Fabiano, says she has been rehired by the McKeesport Area School District after a long legal battle and reported for work Monday as a math teacher.

A Commonwealth Court ruling a year ago said the former Cornell Intermediate School fourth-grade teacher had an "implied" immunity agreement when she testified during a 2005 hearing on the other teacher.

The opinion did not specifically order that she be rehired. The state Supreme Court declined to hear an appeal in March.

A district spokeswoman declined comment on DiBattista's status, saying it was a personnel matter.


Who is Lady Al Qaeda? ISIS wants her released from Texas prison


ISIS is upping the pressure on the U.S. to release a woman known as Lady Al Qaeda.  / CNN
ISIS is upping the pressure on the U.S. to release a woman known as Lady Al Qaeda.

She's a Pakistani neuroscientist with a world class education. She has degress from MIT and Brandeis.
ISIS is offering to set hostages free if the U.S. releases Dr. Aafia Siddiqui -- aka Lady Al Qaeda -- from a Texas prison.
In fact, her release from prison was one of the demands made by ISIS in exchange for American journalist James Foley...before he was beheaded by his captors.
In an email sent to Foley's family on Aug. 12, ISIS wrote, "We have also offered prisoner exchanges to free the Muslims currently in your detention, like our sister Dr. Aafia Siddiqui."
"She is an icon," said Deborah Scroggins, author of 'Wanted Women'. "She is the poster girl for jihad, and in that way she serves as a rallying point. She is the premier symbol of the Muslim woman in distress."
Siddiqui earned degrees from MIT and Brandeis University outside of Boston. This petite 44-year-old, neuroscientist and mother of three lived in the U.S. for more than a decade.
In 2003, she disappeared. And in 2004, was put on an FBI alert list considered a clear and present danger.
In 2008, Siddiqui was stopped by Afghanistan National Police for acting suspiciously outside a government building.
According to court documents, "Officers searched her handbag and found numerous documents describing the creation of explosives, chemical weapons, and other weapons involving biological material and radiological agents."
Handwritten notes by Siddiqui referred to a "mass casualty attack", listing various locations in the U.S. including the Empire State Building, Wall Street, and the Brooklyn Bridge.
When American authorities came to question her the next day, she grabbed one of their rifles and started shooting.
Siddiqui was flown to the U.S., where she was never charged with terrorism, but convicted of attempted murder.
Siddiqui claimed she was framed.
"She interrupted her trial repeatedly with heated outbursts, anti-Semitic outbursts about Jews and all kinds of things," said Scroggins. "The judge found that she was mentally capable of standing trial, but that she needed some sort of treatment and that's why he sentenced her to a prison in Texas where she was able to receive psychiatric care."
She also has a notorious in-law. Siddiqui is married to the nephew of Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks.
When a CNN reporter asked Scoggins if she considered her a scientist or terrorist,  Scoggins replied, "She's definitely a terrorist sympathizer, there's no doubt about that. She was helping terrorists. But she's never been accused of actually committing a terrorist act herself."
Whether she's committed a terrorist act or not, ISIS clearly considers her to be of great value.


Mother Of The Year: 4 year old found wandering streets at 2:30am, mom attempts to file missing persons report 10 hours later


Maybe someone should investigate why they all sleep in the same bed...

Mother of wandering toddler facing child endangerment charge

Yards from the busiest street in Weslaco a resident going out for a smoke spots a little girl wearing a pink dress with no shoes.
It was 2:30 a.m. and she was alone.
"He thought it was kind of weird approached the child and called us, we showed up," Officer David Barbosa, Weslaco Police Department, said.
Police immediately started going door to door in the neighborhood hoping to find the parents of the three year-old girl.
"We spent an hour to an hour and a half trying to locate the parents,” Officer Barbosa said.
Marlene Garcia was one of the neighbors who got a knock on her door.
"I saw the little girl but I don’t recognize her as being one of the children being around here," she said.
Police continued searching for the parents well into Thursday morning.
Finally nearly 10 hours after the toddler is found her mother and step-father show up at the police department to file a missing persons report.
She was questioned then arrested and now facing a child endangerment charge.
Her daughter now in the custody of child protective services.
Neighbors say this area is no place for a child to be left alone after dark.
"She could have gotten run over or gotten in bad hands, because there are alot of drug addicts around here that would do anything get their dope and sell a kid that would be easy,” Garcia said. “I don't see
why a parent would do that.”
The mother told police the little girl was in the families bed last night when they went to bed and she is unsure how she got out of their house.
Police say although the mother is now behind bars the most important this is that the child is safe.
"There’s are thousands of possibilities that could have gone wrong, good thing that everything turned out well that a Good Samaritan reported this," Officer Barbosa said.
Right now police are not releasing the mothers name until she goes before a judge which is expected to happen sometime tomorrow.


Pansy-Ass Teamsters Threaten ‘Top Chef’ Star: “We’re gonna bash that pretty face in, you f*cking whore!”



Some things never change. After nearly 15 years of trying to clean up a reputation marred with corruptionshake-downs of the film industry, as well as violence, Boston’s famous Teamsters Local 25′s public face turned very ugly earlier this summer when the popular Bravo network show Top Chef rolled into Beantown using non-union production assistants and drivers.
Although it was only briefly reported on in June, the incident received wider coverage yesterday when covered it in some more detail.
In summary, when Bravo’s Top Chef began taping at Boston’s Steel & Rye in June, Teamster members from Local 25 greeted the crew and stars with picket signs, verbal abuse, alleged vandalism and even death threats.
When cookbook author, actress, model and ‘Top Chef‘ host Padma Lakshmi appeared at Boston’s Steak & Rye, according to, Teamster picketers got even uglier by threatening the famous host.
The Teamsters picketers were already mad. By the time Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi’s car pulled up to the Steel & Rye restaurant in the picturesque New England town of Milton just outside Boston, one of them ran up to her car and screamed, “We’re gonna bash that pretty face in, you f*cking whore!
The Teamsters’ threats didn’t just stop with threats at the show’s host, according to Deadline Hollywood’s report.
Jenn Levy, Bravo’s SVP Production, wasn’t spared. Arriving at the restaurant in her black SUV, she soon found herself running a gauntlet of vitriol. “She got of her car in front of the location and quickly ran through the picket line,” a source said. “They were yelling, ‘You bitch! You slut! We’re gonna get you!’ It went on like that all day.”
One report, dated back in June, states that, in addition to verbal assaults, there were “just under a dozen cars” that had their tires slashed.
There was a large film crew at Steel & Rye today filming a television program. During the course of the taping union picketers arrived and hassled members of the crew, pedestrians and a police officer who had been hired as safety detail. One passer by said the picketers were “aggressive”. Deputy Chief King stated that just under a dozen cars had their tires slashed at some point.
A ‘Top Chef’ crew member told Deadline that, in addition to the threats, there were racial, sexual and other verbal assaults on the crew.
As any employee of our show walked on or off set, the picketers verbally attacked us, calling the gays ‘fags,’ the blacks ‘niggers’ and most of the women ‘sluts and whores,’ ” the crewmember said. “It got worse as the day went on. They chased us down the sidewalk when we had to run from one end of the location to the next in the middle of our busy work day.They threatened to kill us, beat us, and said that they would find us and force us out of the city. Needless to say, we were terrified. I’m a strong person, but being called names and yelled at and harassed for 12 hours while working, I started to crumble. I was scared and worried for my safety.
This is hardly the first time Teamsters Local 25 has been accused of shaking down and abusing people in the film industry.
In 2000, when the Teamsters wanted a concessions contract on a movie set that a member of another union had, rather than having her killed, the president of Local 25 (who, ultimately, went to prisonreportedly agreed instead to have the woman who had the contract beaten “to send [her] a message.”
In fact, in the early 2000s, the movie-industry shakedowns became so bad that “most major studio heads vowed to never again do business in Boston.”
Although Hollywood’s reluctance to film in Boston has changed to some degree in recent years, based on the threats and abuse aimed at the stars and crew of ‘Top Chef,’ it appears the Teamsters may not have changed at all.


Havana Says U.S. Embargo Over Cuba's Crimes Against Humanity Hurts Cancer Patients


Havana Says U.S. Embargo Hurts Cuban Cancer Patients

HAVANA – Cuba is facing difficulties getting medications and technology to treat children with cancer due to the U.S. economic embargo, state-run media said Thursday, citing an official with the pediatric service of the National Oncology and Radiobiology Institute.

The country’s costs have been higher than they should have been because it cannot purchase medications or radioactive products in the United States and has to do so in third countries, Dr. Glenda Gomez said.

She also mentioned difficulties in obtaining equipment for anti-tumoral therapy, a situation that has forced Cuban doctors to “transfer patients from one province to another to receive treatment.”

The Cuban health system currently has nine pediatric cancer treatment centers spread around the country.

The problems caused by the embargo for pediatric and cancer care are one of the most sensitive issues denounced by the Cuban government each year in its traditional report to the UN General Assembly regarding the consequences stemming from the U.S. sanctions.

Cuban authorities estimate that the country has lost more than $10 million in the oncological sector due to the blockade in recent years. Cancer is the No. 1 cause of death on the communist-ruled island.

The U.S. embargo put in place against the island in 1962 is one of the main issues of bilateral disagreement and, Havana says, it has caused economic damage to the Cuban economy calculated at more than $1 trillion.


Volunteers Needed: U.S. to Begin Human Clinical Trials of Ebola Vaccine


So how bad do you want that citizenship Julio?

WASHINGTON – Human clinical trials of a vaccine against the Ebola virus that has killed more than 1,500 people in West Africa will begin next week, the U.S. National Institutes of Health said on Thursday.

The tests will be performed at the NIH Clinical Center in Bethesda, Maryland on 20 healthy adults, all volunteers, Dr. Anthony Fauci told a press conference.

This will be the first of a series of clinical trials in which British physicians are collaborating, and the vaccine will also be tested in Britain, Gambia and Mali, and possibly also in Nigeria, one of the countries affected by the current outbreak.

“There is an urgent need for a protective Ebola vaccine, and it is important to establish that a vaccine is safe and spurs the immune system to react in a way necessary to protect against infection,” Fauci said.

The World Health Organization said Thursday that the Ebola outbreak in West Africa is one of the most difficult health emergencies in recent years and that at least $490 million will be needed to try and contain the epidemic, which has been expanding exponentially.

Forty percent of the roughly 3,000 reported cases have occurred in the last three weeks, according to the WHO.


Delusional Yuppie Organization "Medical World Congress" Rejects Nuclear Weapons Containment Factor


CoExist, Baby!

ASTANA – The 21st World Congress of Physicians Against Nuclear War (IPPNW) on Thursday rejected the superpowers’ argument that the possession of atomic weapons is justified as a way to contain potential enemies.

“We have to help them (the politicians) realize that if nuclear weapons have not been used (in wars), it is only because we have been very lucky,” said Ira Helfand, president of IPPNW USA, during the second day of the congress being held in Astana, capital of Kazakhstan.

Helfand warned that frequent arguments about the need for nuclear weapons to prevent major wars would, ironically, eventually thrust the planet “into a nuclear war.”

“It’s just a matter of time,” he said.

In the same tone, Bayguenzhin Abai, President of the IPPNW World Congress, told Efe that “it is only an illusion that nuclear weapons are a containment factor.”

He reiterated the willingness of his country, as expressed repeatedly by Kazakh President Nursultan Nazarbayev, to “sign any document that seeks to ban nuclear weapons or halt their proliferation.”

Over 500 delegates from 50 countries are attending the congress that ends Aug. 30.

“The purpose of this meeting is to draw attention to the nature and threat of nuclear weapons from the perspective of doctors,” UK delegate Frank Boulton said.

He added that “the main goal is to reach an agreement on a ban signed by all nations of the world as soon as possible.”

“I feel that as long as there are countries whose people and whose leaders feel secure without nuclear weapons, then it is progress, progress to which we should aspire,” he said.

On the contrary, “as long as there are people and leaders who feel safe only if they have (weapons), then we have a problem.”


Chinese Male Actors Can No Longer Advertise Female Products


BEIJING – Actors and other male celebrities in China will not be able to endorse female sanitary napkins under a new draft law which requires the person promoting the product to test it first.

The South China Morning Post said the revised draft of the advertising law submitted to the National People’s Congress Standing Committee (Chinese Parliament) includes new guidelines for adverts and demands celebrities to try products before promoting them or risk fines.

The proposal immediately prompted humorous limericks about the recent trend of male actors and singers endorsing female products.

Popular Taiwanese actor Jiro Wang advertised sanitary napkins in 2013, although he has also promoted bulldozers.

The newspaper also mentioned other famous men who have advertised lingerie and female intimate hygiene products in the past.

In 2007 the Beijing Consumers’ Association sent an open letter to celebrities warning them against their participation in exaggerated advertising campaigns.

The daily mentioned that actor Jackie Chan was caught endorsing products with overblown claims, such as a “chemical-free shampoo” that turned out to have carcinogenic ingredients.