Tuesday, September 20, 2011

DOJ Defends Bad Grammar

The Obama Department of Justice has ruled that Arizona school districts may not dismiss teachers who have poor grammar skills.

“In an ideal world we would hope that those teaching our children would be able to set a good example,” said Attorney General Eric Holder. “In the real world we must make compromises.”

Holder pointed out that “the rules of grammar are only a convention. Non-discrimination is the law. There should be no question in our minds over which takes precedence. Besides, grammar evolves through usage. Who’s to say what will be considered appropriate in the future? What the law says right now is nobody can be fired for how he talks the English language.”

In related news, scores on the reading portion of the SAT college entrance exam fell to their lowest level on record. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan advised that “we not let this seemingly bad news weigh us down too much. The ability to read the printed word is not as critical as it once was. Given the great advances in graphic media we’ve seen in recent years, it should be apparent that a person can get along quite well even if his reading comprehension doesn’t measure up to what his parents were able to do.”

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