July 18, 2012
By: Ruth Houston
As more and more states legalize same-sex marriage, this topic continues to dominate the news on a daily basis, both in the United States and abroad.
All across the country, gay, lesbians, and same-sex couples are challenging the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
Yesterday the New York Times, Fox News, the Huffington Post, Reuters and other major media outlets, gave prominent coverage to story of Edie Windsor, the 83-year old widow who is taking her marriage equality battle to the Supreme Court.
Windsor, who was faithful to her now-deceased same sex marriage mate more than 40 years, is an outstanding exception to the statistics on gay and lesbian couples cited below.
Same Sex Marriage Will Not Solve Every Relationship Problem
Gay and lesbians who view the legalization of same sex marriage as the answer to all their relationship problems would do well to take a serious look at the shocking statistics on gay and lesbian infidelity.
Infidelity in one form or another, now affects close to 80% of all marriages or committed relationships today, regardless of sexual orientation.
Gay and lesbian couples are not immune – in fact, they may be more susceptible to infidelity than heterosexual couples.
It’s clear from the statistics below, that infidelity is an issue that most partners in same-sex relationships will have to deal with one day, whether they united by same sex marriage or not.
Statistics on Infidelity in Gay and Lesbians, or Same Sex Couples
Precisely accurate infidelity statistics are hard to come by, since not all infidelity studies, polls, and surveys are measuring the same things.
Statistics on infidelity among same sex couples are even more difficult to come by, because most infidelity studies do not include lesbians and gays.
However, there at least four studies from which to cite.
Study #1
The book Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, by authors Michael, Gagnon, Laumann, and Kolata, cites a study of homosexual male couples conducted by gay researchers.
The couples who participated had been together between 1 and 37 years.
Findings were as follows:
100% (all) of the couples experienced infidelity in their relationship within the first 5 years.
Couples who remained together past the 10-year mark were able to do so only by accepting the painful reality of infidelity in their relationship
More than 85 percent of the couples reported that their greatest relationship problems center on issues related to outside relationships.
NOTE: Data from the Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census shows that only 29% of gay/lesbian relationships last more than 7 years.
Study #2
A telephone survey conducted for Parade magazine found what was described as a “magnum order” of difference in the lifetime rate of infidelity among heterosexual couples, as compared to the rate of infidelity among homosexual couples.
Researchers concluded:
“even "committed" homosexual relationships display a fundamental incapacity for the faithfulness and commitment that is axiomatic to the institution of marriage.
STUDY #3
In a study of male homosexuality in Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept in Past and Present Times, M. Pollack found that
"few homosexual relationships last longer than two years, with many men reporting hundreds of lifetime partners.” See 17 Subtle Signs That Your Marriage or Relationship is About to End and 40 Fatal Signs That You’re about to Be Dumped
Pollack concluded:
“Even in those homosexual relationships in which the partners consider themselves to be in a committed relationship, the meaning of ‘committed’ typically means something radically different than in heterosexual marriage.”
Study #4
A more recent study on the rate of infidelity among lesbians and gays done by Alliant International University in San Francisco, reported on by Instinct magazine found that the number of gay men in committed relationships who engaged in infidelity has dropped in recent years.
USA Today expands on the findings in that study with the following information:
The number of gay men who cheated on a partner dropped from 83% to 59%.
The number of lesbians who cheated on a partner dropped from 28% to 8%.
Half the gays and lesbians in the study were in civil unions; half were living together in committed relationships.
Same Sex Couples Should Educate Themselves about Infidelity
Despite the recent decrease in infidelity among gay and lesbian couples, it obvious from the statistics above that same sex couples, especially gay males, are particularly susceptible to infidelity.
Given the strong likelihood that most gay and lesbian couples, are likely to have to deal with the issue of infidelity at some point in their relationship, whether they are in same sex marriages or not, they would do well to educate themselves about infidelity.
*** © copyright 2012 Ruth Houston / All Rights Reserved.
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