Why Democrats Always Win

The current debt ceiling debacle will be yet another example of why Democrats will always win.

Why? Compromise, that’s why.

Have you ever noticed how the media worships the words “bipartisan” and “support” when used consecutively in a sentence? That is because Democrats have mastered the art of compromise. Election cycles feature politicians (from both parties) proclaiming loud and clear that they have records proving they can work with “both sides” to move America forward. Common, everyday, hard-working American citizens are often quoted by the media saying, “We just want both sides to work together.”

What a load of crap.

Here is how compromise works on Capital Hill – Republicans start off wanting no increases in budgets, spending, debt ceilings, tax increases or anything else. Democrats, however, always want massive increases in all of the above. That is when, on cue, the media enters the fray and has breaking news about just receiving word of a possible “compromise.” As soon as the magic word “compromise” enters the picture it is all over. It is at this point that we can expect either John McCain or Lindsay Graham to suddenly appear on all network and cable news outlets as if he were suddenly conjured from behind a puff of smoke at a David Copperfield performance. Both sides then work together and reach across the aisle to move America forward in a bipartisan manner.

Perhaps an example is in order. A Democrat will want the National Institutes of Health (NIH) to spend one billion dollars to study the number of male prostitutes in Vietnam.* Republicans will yell, scream, rant, rave and beat their collective chests about how this is an enormous waste of tax payer money. So, the Democrats will gently whisper compromise in the ears of the Republicans -- in very soft, sultry and alluring tones -- and Republicans will then join hands with Democrats and they will reach across the aisle (not to mention probably do hideous things to each other in the shower) so they can work together to move America forward. Instead of one billion dollars both sides compromise and NIH only gets $442,340 to study the commercial queer industry of a third world communist country.**

Democrats: "One billion dollars."

Republicans: "Zero dollars."

Democrats (whispering in those very soft, sultry and alluring tones): "Compromise."

Republicans: "Oopsie! I dropped my soap!"

Democrats: "$442,340."

Republicans: "DEAL!!!!!"

Now you tell me who came out on top (in the shower or otherwise).

*The Coburn Report, put out by Sen. Tom Coburn, R-OK, detailed this as an actual U.S. Government expenditure in 2010.
** This was the actual amount of your tax dollars spent for this look at midnight cowboys in Vietnam.