Divorce agreement Between the Left and the Right

By flasawdust
August 10, 2012

The Rio Norte Line:

DIVORCE AGREEMENT–

WRITTEN BY YOUNG COLLEGE STUDENT–

The
person who wrote this is a college student. Perhaps there is hope
for us
after all.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I
CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT’S BY A YOUNG
PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS
FOR, I’LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social
progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have
stuck together since the
late 1950′s for the sake of the kids, but the whole
of this latest
election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I
know we
tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations,
but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its
course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever
agree on
what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms.
We
can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own

way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

–Our two groups
can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a similar
portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am
sure our two sides can
come to a friendly agreement. After that, it
should be relatively easy! Our
respective representatives can
effortlessly divide other assets since both
sides have such distinct
and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like
redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You are welcome to the
liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take
our firearms, the cops, the
NRA and the military.

–We’ll take the
nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind,
solar and
biodiesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You
are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to

move all three of them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies,
Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

–You can have
your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps,
homeless, homeboys,
hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey
moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.

–We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC
and Hollywood.

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll
retain the right
to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You
can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our
way of
life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

–We’ll keep
our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology,
Humanism, political
correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the
U.N. but we will
no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the
SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You
can take every Volt and
Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
practicing
doctors.

–We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a
luxury and not a right.

–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”
and “The National
Anthem.”

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute
“Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach
the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the
World”.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to
give
trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends
you, we’ll keep our history, our name and
our flag.

Would you agree
to this? If so, please pass it along to other
like-minded liberal and
conservative patriots and if you do not agree,
just hit delete. In the
spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you answer
which one of us will need
whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an
American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin &
Charlie Sheen,
Barbara Streisand, & ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with
you.

P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.