All-Caring Leftists' "Do It For The Children": Parents twisted obsession creating irreversible damage from child abuse

6/7/2014
Family puts gender identity in public eye

Whittingtons’ viral video garners praise and criticism

Screen grab of Ryland Whittington from his family’s YouTube video “The Whittington Family: Ryland’s Story.”

It is short, sweet and very personal. But in their seven-minute YouTube video about the joys and challenges of raising a transgender child, the Whittington family of San Diego struck a resounding chord in the transgender community and beyond.

Jeff and Hillary Whittington posted the video on May 27, just five days after 6-year-old Ryland — who was born a girl but identified early on as a boy — spoke at the Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast at the Hilton San Diego Bayfront Hotel. It has since received nearly 6 million views and has been covered by news outlets nationwide.

Ryland's story

The Whittingtons’ support of the child they call “our amazing son” has also turned the video into a hot-button talking point, with some people praising the family’s unconditional love and acceptance and others criticizing the parents for taking what they perceive as a childhood phase way too far.

For parents of transgender children, however, one family’s story contains a multitude of universal truths.

“I think parents inside and outside the (transgender) community are responding with admiration and a real sense of the Whittingtons’ courage in terms of putting themselves out there and talking about this,” said Delores Jacobs, CEO of the San Diego LGBT Community Center. “And I think parents are really appreciative, because it takes a lot of courage to step out and say, ‘Yeah, here is our family’s story.’ ”

Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. And the story of Ryland — who, in the words of the family’s video, “was born with female anatomy, (but) her brain identifies with that of a boy” — is hitting the national consciousness at a time when gender identity is very much in the public eye.

A California law went into effect this year ensuring that transgender students in the public education system have access to facilities and activities that align with their gender identity.

And just last month, transgender actress Laverne Cox of “Orange is the New Black” was featured on the cover of Time magazine for its story on “America’s Transgender Tipping Point.”

Public opinion is not nearly the minefield it used to be, but helping a transgender child navigate the world is a process that is both delicate and daunting.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children are typically able to identify themselves as either a boy or a girl before their third birthday. But gender identity isn’t always an either/or proposition. Given the permutations — from pangender to agender — how does a child, particularly a young one, know that their brain doesn’t match their body? And how does a parent know if they’re right?

“A lot of times, we don’t know yet, and that can be very hard for parents,” said Diane Ehrensaft, author of “Gender Born, Gender Made” and the mental health director for UC San Francisco’s Child and Adolescent Gender Center Clinic. “There are many parents I work with where I will say, ‘I can’t tell where this is going. We can only work with the cross-section of the child’s life that we have now. The most important goal is that your child have an authentic gender that feels right to them.’ This is a real challenge for parents.”

By the time Ellen James’ princess-worshipping, dress-loving son turned 4, he was talking about having a “girl brain” and a “girl soul.” As a parent, James (a pseudonym) knew a phase when she saw one, and this wasn’t it.

“When you say something is a phase, it is typically something that spans a couple of weeks or a couple of months. This was every minute of every day,” said James, a Midwestern mother of three and a board member with PFLAG National. “Somebody interviewed her once for a school project, and they asked her, ‘How often do you think about being a girl?’ She said, ‘Every minute. I’m thinking about it right now.’ She was 4 years old.”

For young transgender children, the next step is transitioning from their birth sex to the gender they identify with. In older people, the transition process can involve hormones and sometimes surgery. For young children, it is a matter of changing clothes, hair, pronouns and sometimes names.

When James’ child turned 8, the boy clothes got tossed during winter break and the boy returned to school as a girl. The response of her fellow second-graders was “amazing,” James said. Her daughter’s parochial school was less so. Over the summer, the family moved, switched school districts and changed religious denominations.

“She is thriving,” James said of her daughter, who just finished seventh grade. “She is a straight-A student. She loves theater and drama. Once she transitioned and we saw her come alive, we have just been more and more sure that she is who she is.”

For the parents of transgender children, there are always more hurdles ahead. Will they be safe? (According to a survey, nearly 80 percent of young transgender students report having been harassed at school.) What happens as they grow up? Do you let them take puberty-blocking drugs? What about surgery?

Then there is the question that every parent of every child asks themselves every day. Will they be happy? At the end of the video, we see Ryland telling the Harvey Milk Breakfast audience, “I’m the happiest I have ever been in my whole life.” After watching it, James heard a message that any parent could take to heart at any time.

“The fact is, it’s a journey,” James said. “And the important part is listening.”

source